Remorseful, Regretful, or Repentant – Which One Are YOU?

 

 

Thank you so much for tuning in and Welcome everyone – Hope you’re well!  I’m your host, Ben Lively, and you’re listening to “Shaken Awake” – Episode #23!  

 

I just want to thank you for tuning in, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing right this very moment. 

 

And, as always, I promise you another great show – But, more than anything, my HOPE for you today, and always, is that you have an actual encounter with the Lord - He’s is always right there with you, even when you think He’s not.  So, let’s get ready to invite Him in with us, right here, right now and allow Him to speak directly to your heart and minds.   

 

So here goes, here is today’s topic: “Remorseful, Regretful, or Repentant – Which One are YOU?”

 

I’ve felt led to share this with the world ever since The Holy Spirit convicted me of it and God’s Word helped explain my questions and doubts.  Wisdom comes from hearing – it just took me 41 years to listen.  It’s another turning point in my conversion from being an unsaved Christian to a saved and True Christian – one that has since Shaken me Awake to God’s never-ending truths and wisdom to those with ears to hear and eyes to see.  Unfortunately, the devil has so many blinded to this truth that it’s literally costing the payment of hell to so many who he has blinded.

Let me share something with you that I never heard much of growing up in the church.  In fact, so little, I don’t think anyone ever explained it to me or showed me in the Bible where it’s plain as day, but only if you know where to look and of course, only if you actually dwell in the Word of God vs. relying on man and preachers to teach you the Bible – here’s a secret – they WON’T and they DON’T – at least not in FULL context, anyway.

Here are some verses that God used to shake me awake with that I never knew existed because I never read my Bible. – again, I thought John 3:16 was my scapegoat:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.

In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent.

I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.

Acts 3:19 

Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out,

Acts 17:30 ESV / 4,257 helpful votes 

The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent,

Matthew 3:8   

Bear fruit in keeping with repentance.

2 Chronicles 7:14 ESV / 4,075 helpful votes 

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Romans 2:4   

Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?

Acts 11:18   

When they heard these things they fell silent. And they glorified God, saying, “Then to the Gentiles also God has granted repentance that leads to life.”

Luke 13:3   

No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.

Revelation 2:5 

Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.

Mark 1:15 

And saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.”

2 Timothy 2:25   

Correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth,

Revelation 3:19 

Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

2 Corinthians 7:10 

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

Luke 24:47 

And that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem.

Acts 26:20  

But declared first to those in Damascus, then in Jerusalem and throughout all the region of Judea, and also to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, performing deeds in keeping with their repentance.

Acts 20:21   

Testifying both to Jews and to Greeks of repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Revelation 3:3  . Keep it, and repent. If you will not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what hour I will come against you.

 

Ezekiel 18:21-23   

“But if a wicked person turns away from all his sins that he has committed and keeps all my statutes and does what is just and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions that he has committed shall be remembered against him; for the righteousness that he has done he shall live. Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked, declares the Lord God, and not rather that he should turn from his way and live?

2 Corinthians 7:9 

As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.

Mark 1:4   

John appeared, baptizing in the wilderness and proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.

Matthew 3:11  , but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.

 

Acts 8:22 

Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you.

Luke 3:3   

And he went into all the region around the Jordan, proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.

Luke 15:10 

Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Revelation 2:16   

Therefore repent. If not, I will come to you soon and war against them with the sword of my mouth.

Luke 5:31-32   

And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”

James 5:19-20   

My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

Hebrews 12:17   

For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.

Job 42:6   

Therefore, I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”

Matthew 11:20   

Then he began to denounce the cities where most of his mighty works had been done, because they did not repent.

Revelation 2:22 

Behold, I will throw her onto a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works,

Revelation 2:21   

I gave her time to repent, but she refuses to repent of her sexual immorality.

    

Here’s the verse I’m going to end with and then use as the main reference and theme for today’s episode; more importantly, for those of us that need desperately to hear, understand, and cling to this truth:

 

I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter.

The world today wants nothing to do with sorrow. It drowns out its sorrow with busyness, music, therapists, and even medication. If it makes me sad, it must be bad! is a maxim to which we seem to adhere by default. But sorrow can be beneficial; it is not always a bad thing. Paul writes to the Corinthians that, though he did initially, he does not regret having caused them sorrow (2 Cor 7:8) because they were made sorrowful to the point of repentance, according to the will of God (2 Cor 7:9).

This verse makes clear that there is a kind of sorrow that is according to the will of God. There is a sorrow that God wants you to experience, because the sorrow that is according to the will of God “produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation” (2 Cor 7:10). Paul is teaching the Corinthians that an essential component of true repentance is genuine sorrow over having grieved God and belittled His holiness.

One of the most common definitions of repentance is a change of mind. That is the literal, etymological definition of the Greek word for repentance: meta—change; noeo — to think. But some take that to mean that repentance is nothing more than an intellectual alteration, an acknowledgement that you have sinned, and a commitment to think differently about it from now on. But the mind that is changed in repentance refers to the inner consciousness of the whole person. In the Bible, the mind and the heart are often used interchangeably.

So repentance begins with an intellectual recognition and confession of sin, but it does not end there. There is also a “change of heart”—an emotional component in which the genuine believer mourns over having sinned against the God whom he loves. That is why in the classic psalm of repentance, Psalm 51, David says, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”

The person who is truly repentant is not unmoved by his sin, as if it was just no big deal. “Oh, I broke the law of God again. Sorry God! So glad you’re so gracious!” No! If you are truly repentant, you apprehend the offense your sin is to God—a God so good as to deliver His only begotten Son to death in your place, a God so patient with you despite the fact that, even after He has saved you, you sin against Him still. When you understand that you have sinned against that glorious God, the only proper response is sorrow—to have a broken spirit and a contrite heart. 

It is that broken spirit and contrite heart that motivates you to change course and return to God in faithfulness. John Calvin writes, “This is carefully to be observed, for unless the sinner be dissatisfied with himself, detest his manner of life, and be thoroughly grieved from an apprehension of sin, he will never betake himself to the Lord” (274). One Puritan famously said, “'Til sin be bitter, Christ will not be sweet.”

Genuine repentance is a matter of the heart. This is why Jesus pronounces a blessing upon those who mourn over their sin: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matt 5:4). Because it is only those who feel the shame of their sin—who feel the offense it is to the holiness of God and mourn over it—that turn from it in genuine repentance, and seek forgiveness by the grace of God, and are comforted by the God who does not despise a broken spirit and a contrite heart.

Sorrow, friends, can be beneficial.

But sorrow is not always beneficial. While those who are genuinely repentant will experience sorrow over their sin, sorrow itself is not repentance. There is a kind of sorrow over sin that does not produce repentance, and therefore does not lead to salvation.

Paul identifies this kind of sorrow as “the sorrow of the world [which] produces death” (2 Cor 7:10b).

The chief characteristic of worldly sorrow is that it is fundamentally self-centered. Worldly sorrow revolves around the pain sin causes to oneself rather than the offense and dishonor it is to God. Listen to the words of Philip Hughes in describing worldly sorrow: “It is not sorrow because of the heinousness of sin as rebellion against God, but sorrow because of the painful and unwelcome consequences of sin. Self is its central point” (273).

People who have worldly sorrow are often defensive about their sin and attempt to justify it or explain it away; whereas godly sorrow causes you to own your sin and make no excuses. You know you are experiencing worldly sorrow when you are grieving for yourself—for the embarrassment you’re suffering and the pain you’re feeling—rather than mourning over the grief you have brought to the Holy Spirit for dishonoring the grace of Christ and belittling the glory of God.
 
One of the clearest examples Scripture gives of worldly sorrow is Judas. It is said of Judas that he “felt remorse” for betraying Christ, that he “returned the thirty pieces of silver” by which he was bribed, and that he even openly confessed, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood” (Matt 27:3). At this point, Judas’s actions are nearly indistinguishable from genuine repentance. He confessed his sin, felt remorse over it, and changed his course. But ultimately, we learn this was not godly sorrow leading to repentance, but worldly sorrow that produced death. How do we know? Because when the chief priests and elders wouldn’t take the money back, “he threw the pieces of silver into the temple sanctuary and departed; and he went away and hanged himself” (Matt 27:5).
 
If Judas was mourning over the offense he had committed against the Son of God—if his grief was fundamentally God-centered—his response would have looked much different. He knew, from walking with Christ for more than three years, that he could have found forgiveness and restoration in Him. Judas knew that Jesus had come to die for liars and traitors just like him, and that forgiveness was available to those who would abandon their sin and trust in Christ for righteousness.

But that wasn’t Judas’ concern.

His grief was fundamentally self-centered. He could not bear the shame and humiliation of having betrayed the Son of God, and rather than bringing that shame to the Savior who could pay for it, he sought to atone for his own sins by suicide.
 
Worldly sorrow produces death.

The instinct of worldly sorrow is to try to atone for sin by brooding over it—by feeling so bad for yourself that you are reduced to despair. But the instinct of godly sorrow is to run to the cross of Christ where the only atonement for sin was made.

True repentance does not stop even with godly sorrow, but issues in a changed life. Genuine repentance bears fruit.  And we see this as Paul details what the Corinthians’ repentance consisted in (2 Cor 7:11). From this description we can glean several characteristics by which we can assess whether our repentance is genuine.

True repentance is marked by earnestness.

Paul writes, “For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you!” Earnestness refers to the Corinthians’ eagerness to change their course and to restore their relationship with Paul. This is also expressed by the final three words: “What longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong!”

Genuine repentance is not apathetic toward sin; it is not indifferent about making restitution or restoring a relationship that has been damaged by sin. People who are truly repentant don’t need to be badgered into seeking forgiveness; they don’t need to be cajoled into pursuing reconciliation; they don’t need to be coaxed into making changes in their lives that will ensure that no provision is made for the flesh in regard to its lusts. Genuine repentance beholds the seriousness of sin and is eager to deal with it biblically.

True repentance is marked by a desire to be known for righteousness.

Paul next exclaims, “What vindication of yourselves!” (2 Cor 7:11) True repentance is marked by a desire to clear your name of the stigma of your sin, a yearning to have a reputation for righteousness rather than for iniquity. And how do you do that?

You conduct yourself so that everyone who knew of your sin now knows that you have put off that unrighteousness, and that you have begun putting on the appropriate fruit of the Spirit in its place.

If your sin was gossip, you now endeavor to be known as one who speaks truth and never evil of another; if your sin was impatience toward someone, you now go out of your way to show them grace. You desire to be known for righteousness because you bear the Name of the Righteous One, and desire to bring no reproach upon His reputation.

True repentance is marked by indignation.

Those who repent of sin are righteously angry with themselves for having sinned against God. This is a natural effect of godly sorrow, but it’s more intense. Calvin writes, “The first step is that evil be displeasing to us. The second is that, being inflamed with anger, we press hard upon ourselves, so that our consciences may be touched to the quick” (276).

Charles Hodge adds, “This is one of the most marked experiences of every sincere penitent. The unreasonableness, the meanness, the wickedness of his conduct rouses his indignation; he desires to seek vengeance on himself” (561).

The repentant person does not coddle himself with positive thinking.

Repentance is concerned with God-esteem—or, as Paul puts it, “the fear of God.” Rather than concern for oneself, reverence for God and His wounded honor dominates the affections of the one whose repentance is genuine.

True repentance is marked by making things right.

Paul concludes with, “In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter.” This does not mean that they had never been guilty of sin, but that they had borne such fruit in keeping with repentance that they had made things right, and could no longer be held to blame for the sin they had committed.

That is the fruit of genuine repentance: an eagerness and a zeal—not a reluctance—to demonstrate a changed life to all those affected by your sin; an indignation with yourself and your sin, born out of the utmost reverence for God rather than for yourself or what other people think of you; a longing for the restoration of any relationship damaged by your sin; and a genuine concern that justice would be upheld as sin is disciplined and dealt with biblically. Be sure to examine whether your repentance is marked by these biblical characteristics.

 

 

Regret focuses on my outward behavior; Repentance focuses on my heart motives. Regret is sorry I got caught; Repentance is glad I got caught. Regret is motivated by the pain of consequences; Repentance is motivated by causing grieving of the Holy Spirit.

 

Repentance produces change, whereas remorse merely produces sorrow, which is often confused with repentance. But there is an enormous difference between repentance and remorse. A perfect New Testament example of remorse is found in Matthew 27:3-5, where the Bible tells us about Judas Iscariot. It says, “Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? See thou to that. And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.”

Notice the Bible says that Judas “repented” himself. Usually a person who repents doesn’t go out and hang himself afterward, so what really happened in this verse? The answer lies in the word “repented” that is used in this verse. This is not the word metanoeo, the word most often used meaning “repent” in the New Testament. Instead, this particular word for “repent” is the Greek word metamelomai, which portrays a person who is completely overwhelmed with emotions. This word is used five times in the New Testament, and in each instance, it expresses sorrow, mourning, or grief. The word metamelomai rarely gives the picture of someone moved to change, but rather depicts a person who is seized with remorse, guilt, or regret.

1.    Metamelomai can depict remorse that grips a person because of an act he committed that he knows is wrong. If he were willing to repent, he could change and be forgiven. But because he has no plans to repent, stop his sinful activities, and rectify what he has done, he is therefore gripped with remorse. Consequently, this emotion produces no change in a person’s life.

2.    Metamelomai can also express the guilt a person feels because he knows that he has done wrong, that he will continue to do wrong, and that he has no plans to change his course of action. He feels shameful about what he is doing but continues to do it anyway, which results in a state of ongoing guilt. This guilt produces no change in a person’s life or behavior. Yet genuine repentance would fix this feeling of guilt and remove it completely.

3.    Metamelomai best denotes the regret a person feels because he was caught doing something wrong. He isn’t repentant for committing the sin; instead, he is sorrowful only because he got caught. Now he’s in trouble. Rather than being repentant, this person is regretful that he got caught and must now pay the consequences. Chances are that if he’d never been caught, he would have continued his activities. This kind of regret likewise produces no change in a person’s conduct.

Because the word metamelomai is used in Matthew 27:3, it means Judas Iscariot did not “repent” in the sense that he was sorry for what he did and wanted to make it right with God. Rather, it confirms that he was remorseful, seized with guilt, and filled with regret. Because of his actions, Judas blew his opportunity to be a high-ranking member of Jesus’ inner circle. Judas was more sorrowful for himself than he was for his participation in Jesus’ betrayal. This wasn’t a demonstration of repentance that leads to salvation, but of sorrow, guilt, and a deep-seated remorse that ultimately led to death. This is precisely what the apostle Paul meant when he wrote in Second Corinthians 7:10 about “the sorrow of the world that worketh death.”

Don’t misunderstand me — emotion and tears may accompany repentance. If we have sinned against the Holy Spirit, it is normal for us to experience godly sorrow for our actions. In Second Corinthians 7:10, Paul wrote about “godly sorrow.” Unlike the sorrow of the world that produces death, he wrote that “godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation.” But godly sorrow produces more than tears; it produces a desire to change that leads us to deliverance, freedom, and salvation. What a contrast to the sorrow of the world that produces hopelessness, defeat, and despair.

Remember, the word “repent” is metanoeo — referring to a complete turn in the way one thinks, lives, or acts. For a person to repent, he must simply make up his mind to change.

So what is the difference between guilt, remorse, regret, and repentance?

So, are there any areas in your life in which you have felt guilty, remorseful, or regretful — but unchanged? Could it be that you’ve never really made a firm decision to change, and that’s why you’ve had no enduring victory in these areas of your life?

If you’ve confused tears with repentance, now you know that you don’t have to depend on your emotions to repent. If God is dealing with you about something that needs to change in your life, you can repent right now at this very moment, regardless of what you do or do not feel. God is waiting for you to make a decision!

So, before we end today’s show, I just want to thank you all again for tuning in and I HOPE you were touched by God through today’s message and scripture.  I’d like to ask you a favor only IF you received any value out of today’s show – would you tell at least one person you know – call them, text them, email them, talk to them – tell them to give this show a listen.  It may just help them in their walk with Christ.  And as a special request - If you could give me a quick star-rating or review on whichever podcast app you listen on, that would greatly help to catch the attention of inquiring listeners, which will allow the Lord and the Holy Spirit to reach even more lives through this broadcast.

 

If you’d like to get ahold of me, you can write me a note on www.shaken-awake.com/contact you can also email me directly at ben@shaken-awake.com or even call or text me directly for any reason at (407)-493-3208 (repeat).  I want feedback, questions, ideas, requests, criticisms, corrections, - if it’s important to YOU, it’s important to ME.  

Next weeks episode is another powerful and DO-NOT-MISS episode – thanks for joining!  

Until next week, take great care of yourself and each other, and God Bless You all.  

 

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